This goes out to all the parents constantly feeling the stab of Lego beneath their socks, those who let their kids unroll the toilet paper because they’ve done the quick parental equation and have decided the mess the loo roll creates is worth the 20 minute’s peace, and to all the parents who have ever found half a long-lost apple languishing in the sofa cushions.

To all the very tidy parents, like my very best friend from whose sparkly toilet I’d happily eat my lunch, you totally rock but you don’t need a shout out. You can simply glow with the pleasure/ smugness of having your socks not sticking to the kitchen floor.

Things messy parents say

1 | I ’m not naturally messy – but since becoming a mother…

2 |  Besides, creativity THRIVES in chaos!!

3 |  No really, studies. And, y’know, it was EINSTEIN who said that if a cluttered desk is sign of a cluttered mind, what does an EMPTY mean? Ha!

4 | Ding dong: Yes, sadly, a bomb DID hit. A KID BOMB.

Boom, shake, shake, shake the room.

5 | It’s not so much a mess issue as a storage issue.

6 | In fact, if we had good storage that would be a game changer, I tell you.

7 | Ah, look, here’s that bag of manky feathers the kids collected…. I’ll pop them somewhere safe for a time in the future when I’m gonna have to make an owl mask.

8 | I’m actually going to have a massive tidy in the morning. Later, in the morning:  Ooh a beautiful day! LET’S PLAY!

9 | I’ll just totally BLITZ the whole house once the kids are in bed.

10 | Later: This boxset is genuinely BEGGING to be finished tonight. Anyway, Einstein and all those geniuses were WELL messy. Proper filthy. So.

11 | Doodidodidoo. I’ll just stick this in the Bits n Bobs drawer.

12| I’m just not the kind of mum that wants to be tidying toys away from the kids all day, y’ know?

13 | Arghhh. MORE LAUNDRY. WHERE DOES IT COME FROM? Where does it go? Where does it come from, Cotton Eye Joe?

14 | I’m sure our dirty laundry basket has a spawn function. I’ll have to tell the kids to stop pushing that button.

15 |  A clean house is sign of a wasted life. A clean house is sign of a wasted life. A clean house is sign of a wasted life. A clean house is sign of a wasted life.

16 | I’ll just pop this random Thing on that shelf with all the other random Things.

17 | Gah! We have too many clothes! I’ll put them all in bags and take them to the Salvation Army!

18 | After a cup of tea, I’ll do that. I shall.

19 | (Self-care, that’s called. Timely cups of tea and chocolate for mothers. The foundation of a stable family life.)

20 | Ooh, but I can’t really give all this away because some of this stuff will be IDEAL for the dress up box.

21 | Or cowboy boots might make a comeback.

22 | Or I might be invited to a Ukrainian Pop Stars from the Seventies fancy dress party and I will rue the day I got rid of this PERFECT neon paisley shirt.

23 | Lalala, I’ll just shove this enormous box full of Stuff into our storage, I mean spare, room.

24 | And jam the door shut.

25 | And put this “ENTER AT YOUR OWN PERIL” sign on the door.

26 |  And hope no one ever, ever looks in it.

27 | I mean, yes, I’m messy but not WEIRDLY so. I’m not exactly going to be on the news burrowing a tunnel out of my own mess! ha! Hahahaha! *panicked laugh*

28 | But seriously, as I always say, it might be a bit untidy, but it’s not dirty, like, unsafe.

29 |  *googles* “basic level of hygiene”

30 | Right. So we won’t be getting a certificate.

31 | But the kids ARE alive, so hey!

32 | In fact, I read a thing about how being too clean is, like, totally unhealthy. So yeah. Our mess is basically keeping them alive.

33 | And while they are still with us it is positively futile to keep on top of their mess.

34 | Although we DO have guests coming over tonight so I’d better do a little pick up.

35 |  Meh. They are such close friends they don’t really count as guests anymore.

Are you messy? Any of these ring a bell? Would love to hear what you find yourself saying!