In the Land Of Mom a good friend is pure gold and the key to surviving parenthood. When you find your tribe, rejoice! These women will remind you what day it is, shuffle your kids around town, and gently remind you to make a move when it’s been too long since the last “date night.”

For these reasons, and many, many more, I cherish women who fit into any combination of the following categories, for they are my tribe.

The swearing and slightly vulgar moms

I can pretty much strike up a conversation with any mom at a park, school, or birthday party.  It doesn’t matter if I have known you for a minute, a day, or ten years, what you see is what you get with me. It’s a gift and a curse my friends.  

While making small talk I might complain about my husband, roll my eyes at my children, and curse a time or two…or ten. If this makes you uncomfortable, I understand. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Feel free to duck and run next time you see me. Chances are I will be too frazzled to even notice the slight.

Now, on the other hand, if we are chatting and you happen to start ranting about how much you want to punch Caillou, my eyes may start welling up with tears. Believe me – they are tears of joy Nothing makes me happier than finding a mom needing to bitch about that little nightmare while hurling a few swear words around.

If you pull wine out of that purse of yours, I swear I’ll barrel-hug you right here in the middle of the playground. I’ll be yours FOREVER.

The at Target three-days-a-week moms

What is there even to say about these friendships? I love Target. You love Target. It’s kind of a match made in heaven already.

We can hang out all of the time since we both frequent this place a few days a week. Just think how happy we’ll be skipping through the aisles of crap we don’t need while sipping our Starbucks lattes.

The moms who sign up to bring plates to class parties 

I see you, moms. Yes, you. The ones who snatch up the class party jobs of bringing the plates and cups. I’m not mad at you, I actually love you. You are my people!  

Surely, you love your child and want to contribute to their glorious first grade shin-dig, but you also might have a life, a job, a hundred more kids, and paper plates are your thing. I love that there’s no shame in your game. Maybe you’re like me and spent years attempting to be the queen of Pinterest and have since tossed your hot glue gun aside for more sane hobbies.

We can totally be friends. You and I can go to that class party, throw our paper products down on the table, and discuss our many Pinterest fails.

The moms who drink on occasion

Moms who occasionally nip on a cocktail are my peeps. Such occasions might include, but certainly are not limited to: Tuesdays (such an ass of a day,) days where dad is working late AGAIN, birthday parties, days where you had to make more than three stops with your band of misfits, and days where you’ve heard nothing but screaming, whining, and Peppa Pig’s voice.

All of the above pretty much applies to me on a daily basis, so I’m most likely going to be game any given day should you need a partner in crime.

The moms who don’t play during playdates

Of course, when your kids are little you stay at a playdate. Three or four-year-olds are about as unpredictable as that drunk college friend who hears a Journey song playing from across a dive bar. You just don’t know how he’s going to react.

We moms have to be an active and engaged part of the early playdates, whether we want to be or not. But you might get lucky and bond with playdate moms in a way you never dreamed possible. Sometimes you really do meet your mom-soulmates this way. Some of the greatest friends I have are women who sat on my living room floor, drinking coffee, and making fun of that asshole “Thomas the Train.”  You know who you are.

As the kids grow and start acting like humans, us moms enter the vast world of drop-off playdates. We are now free to drop our darlings off for a few hours to play Barbies, dress-up, and trains. The hosting mom gets a few hours off from being the entertainer and the drop-off mom gets a taste of sweet freedom.

I still love you, my playdate moms. But let us not mar these few hours of sweet freedom by sitting on the couch and making small talk over tea. We can still hang out, in fact, I really want to! Except now we can hang out in the evening at a local restaurant. With wine, and without kids. Let’s do that instead!