Taurus (April 19 – May 20): If the Zodiac was a corporation, you’d be the CFO. Your workspace would be a big comfortable corner office with one helluva a view of the galaxy. You’d probably even have a kick-ass Hugo Boss space-suit with a built-in Bose sound system.

You like the finer things in life, and you understand what it takes to get them: smart number-crunching, hard work, discernment, gratitude. Your kids respect the work you do, and since they’re your kids, they already understand that ain’t nothing in this life is free.

You miiiight be a little hard-headed too. Muhbe? Just a little? Little bit? Muhbe little bit? Yeah you are. It’s ok, be aware that around the 9th of the month, Mars is in Scorpio and your words will be particularly weighty. Say what you need to say, just pay close attention to how you say it.

Venus is headed into Cancer mid-month, so this’ll be a great time to remind your family that you also know how to chill out. Back off the tasks, pop everyone a cold one, and put your collective feet up. I’m not saying give your kids beer. I’m saying enjoy the life you bust ass to provide for them, and invite those little booger-eaters to do the same.

Virgo May 2016 Horoscope

Hey, Virgo, hey. Details are fun, right? Holy crap. SO MANY DETAILS.

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libra

Libra May 2016 Horoscope

Your worst nightmare is that sacred-mountain-silent-and-solitary-meditation trip you see advertised in yoga magazines.

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cancer

Cancer May 2016 Horoscope

Here’s something to keep in mind: Venus and Gemini are meeting up for coffee.

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Gemini May 2016 Horoscope

You’ve got a bumpin’ planet squad in your solar fourth house and that means it’s a helluva good time to call up your friends and grill some steaks.

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taurus

Taurus May 2016 Horoscope

Venus borrowed your boyfriend jeans and plans on hanging around a while.

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scorpio

Scorpio May 2016 Horoscope

Sometimes you stay up at night wondering what, exactly, that one guy meant when he said that thing that time.

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sagittarius

Sagittarius May 2016 Horoscope

Keep your water bottle handy, and check now and again to make sure you still have all your teeth.

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capricorn

Capricorn May 2016 Horoscope

We gotta talk, Capri-pants. We gotta talk about you letting your hair down.

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pisces

Pisces May 2016 Horoscope

If the zodiac was a rave, you’d be the ecstasy.

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aquarius

Aquarius May 2016 Horoscope

I bet you had more than one abacus in your past life, Aquarius.

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leo zodiac sign

Leo May 2016 Horoscope

Here’s one thing to consider: everyone has faults, but not everyone gets to tell you what they think yours are.

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Aries May 2016 Horoscope

Try to remember relaxation and boredom are not the same thing. You can cool out, and still be productive.

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