For as long as I can remember, my insecurities and doubts kept me from truly immersing myself in the things I’m passionate about.
I was afraid of failure and concerned I would never measure up to others. I spent time hoping that I’d get better at something instead of doing anything to better myself. So lame.
I’ve also made excuses when it’s come to avoiding my dreams: It costs too much money. I don’t have the time. It’s unrealistic. Someone else is better at it, so why waste my time? And now, I sit here, at 27 years old, still kind of waiting for life to start.
Before you criticize my attitude or try to send words of encouragement over to me, there is much that I feel accomplished about. I’ve been sent a wonderful life companion who loves to dream with me, I have the opportunity to be a mom to a sweet little girl, and my friend and I started our own business at the beginning of the year. These are all great things.
But when I was young, one thing I dreamed about was being a stay-at-home mom. I pictured my future husband going off to work while I stayed at home all day taking care of our children, doing laundry (and knowing exactly how to perfectly fold a fitted sheet), making four-course meals by 6 P.M,, and ensuring the cleanliness of every corner in our home.
Then I actually became a mom.
After six weeks of maternity leave, I started working again. I worked from home, so I felt that I had it pretty good. My new little baby slept most of the day, so I had plenty of time to do laundry and also get my paid work done in a timely manner. Only a couple months into this new job, I was excited about how much time I had on my hands and thought I had the “mom” thing down pretty darn good.
So, when my daughter was a couple months old, I pursued one of my dreams and allowed it to become a reality.
From about the time I was 15 years old, I wanted to be a wedding coordinator. Something about the details of an event and the work of putting something like a wedding together intrigued me. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I jumped in with both feet. My friend and I made a website and started putting our name out on social media – I was finally accomplishing something I had always wanted to do even though the outcome was completely unknown.
Our company is almost a year old, and I feel like we’ve been fairly successful. We’ve booked clients, cashed some checks, and made it through 12-hour wedding days. Now, I’ve set my imagination on the loose. Because of this event coordinating company, there are hundreds of other dreams I want to accomplish, I just don’t know where to start.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the thought of putting energy into another opportunity and I give up before I’ve even begun. Sometimes I slink back into the lie that I’m not good enough, and sometimes the details of life fall in line first and the day seems too short.
One thing is for certain; I’m terrified that I’ll look back on my life when I’m 80 years old and regret all of the things I could have done, but was too scared to do. If I’ve been given gifts, why the heck would I just stow them away and never share them with others? So I want this new year to be all about “just going for it.” I want to fail and succeed, all the same.
Being a stay-at-home mom now seems like a dream too small for me. I’m so thankful to have the ability to be at home with my daughter to watch her grow and experience the world, but there are many more layers to life that I want to uncover. This means I want to not only be a mom, but also a business owner, an entrepreneur, a creator, a teacher, a dreamer, an example to my daughter. I want her to know that this huge world has a place for her to do whatever it is she wants to do.