Go ahead, you know you want to. We hereby give you permission to get that minivan. Yes, we know you said you’d never get one, and you are a woman of your word, but you also said you’d never let TV raise your children or let your kids eat a revolving menu of chicken nuggets, hot dogs, and pizza. This particular instance of caving will actually HELP your family. Here are the reasons you should do it:
Going the distance
Your minivan can help put some much-needed distance between you and your little ones. You’re around each other all day, every day, and let’s face it, everyone needs a break. With the kids in the back and you in the front, you will be protected from the whining, the requests for snacks, and the sibling bickering. Sure, if you accidentally look in the rearview mirror, you might just catch them mouthing the words, “Mom, I’m hungry,” but it’s not your fault you can’t hear them. They’re simply too far away.
The entertainment value
Many minivans are equipped with theater-type seating and sound. Since you’ve already let your kids learn science from “Sid the Science Kid,” you may as well give in and let them watch a movie while you drive around gathering your sanity.
A lot of minivans come with headrest screens, chairs with cup holders, and headphones for the kids…or are they for the adults? If the kids have the headphones on, you can feel free to rock out to questionable music with innuendos and the occasional bad word because no one else can hear it. Relive your youth; throw up that “rock on” hand signal in the name of your minivan.
No one expects much
When others see you on the road, they’re pretty sure you’re going to drive five miles an hour under the speed limit and take your time accelerating when the light turns green. When the Harley or the F 150 pulls up next to you, make eye contact and smile as you hit the gas leaving them coughing on your dust. You’re a beast. You’re unstoppable. And you’ve just been underestimated.
This is not a life sentence
Just because you make this purchase now, it doesn’t mean this is what you’ll drive for the rest of your life. You’ve got a five- to 10-year commitment, tops. Be honest, you’ve probably got fruit snacks older than that in the back of your current vehicle. You’ll be free as a bird in a little while, and you’ll enjoy your Jaguar, BMW, or Lincoln soon enough.
It’s time to stop lying to yourself and to others. Yes, there was a period in your past when you scoffed at the thought of becoming “that mom,” but look at yourself. You walk proudly down the sidewalk in that macaroni necklace your daughter made you, while donning the picture pin of your soccer star on the front of your sweater. The time for cool is over, and you deserve to let the minivan take care of you.
The next time you see one, give it a once over. Ask your friend if you can go for a spin with her, or better yet, roll down the windows, and test drive your sweet freedom on the open road. We give you permission.