(Well-researched and should be taken VERY seriously.)

If you’re contemplating having a second child, I’m here to give you some things to consider. As a parent of two, I consider myself an expert in this decision-making process. I know you were going to research the pros and cons, so I figured I would make the job of deciding a little easier by providing this handy dandy pro/con list for you!

Let me just remind you – I’m an expert. That means you’ve got to listen to me, got it? You know how you can tell a doctor by the scrubs and stethoscope round the neck? Well you can tell an expert in the field of I-have-multiple-children by the puke stained shirt and the momhair-don’t-care. I realize you can’t see me, but just take my word for it.

Now that you’re aware of my qualifications, let’s begin.

PROS

1 | Having baby #2 means someone to play with baby #1, allowing more free time to do things like shower, shave your legs, clean the house, watch “Gilmore Girls,” or read a book.

2 | Can’t you just picture those two adorbs little angels playing nicely together on the floor? Aren’t they precious, with their sweet make-believe language only the two of them share?

3 | Kid #1 will read books to kid #2 when they’re older, and they will both fall asleep peacefully, snuggled in each other’s arms…

4 | More kids equals more fun, right? So much more imaginative play, pillow fights, Christmas joy, wondering worldview, butterfly counting, park time, cuddles/giggles/tickles, etc.

5 | You will undoubtedly fall in love with baby #2 from that first squall and sniff of that baby smell. With that logic though, may as well go on to baby #5…

CONS

1 | Baby #1 will inevitably not want to play with baby #2, leaving you even less time to do things like shower, shave your legs, clean the house, watch anything on TV besides “Peppa Pig” or “My Little Pony Friendship…” is NOT-SO-MAGIC when the kids are screaming over who gets to watch what show.

2 | Yes, they will occasionally play adorably together on the floor, but a lot of the time they will argue in the universal language of sibling rivalry that all children can understand.

3 | And NO – kid #1 does not want to read that “Paw Patrol” book to kid #2 when they get older because that’s so booooring! And they won’t want to sleep together all nice and cozy-like because they both want to sleep with YOU, so you will end up with two sets of smelly feet in your face or kicking you in the ribs, instead of just one.

4 | More kids absolutely means more fun, but it also means more messes, more screams, more madness, more “Mommy, I’m hungry,” more poop and puke on your shirt, and definitely more momhair-don’t-care.

5 | Baby #2 will start out with that precious baby smell, but that’s a trick to make you fall in love – and make no mistake – fall in love you will. That smell will be replaced with the pungent aroma of exploding diarrhea and breastmilk/formula breath, and when they get older – pizza farts and apple juice burps.

Hmmmm…did I say this handy dandy list was going to help you decide??? Suckas! Looks like the pros and cons are tied on this one. What to do…what to do… Unfortunately for you, I’m one of those people who like to have others to commiserate with, so my final advice is to definitely go for baby #2. Then we can complain about that decision together later!

If you need one more pro to break the tie and convince your husband to go for baby #2, tell him it’s always best to not place all your bets on one horse. You’ll need someone to take care of you when you’re old. Better to have another kid just in case the first one hates you.

Happy baby making! Wink, wink!